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This period marks a full decade since the phrase “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. Initially, the idea that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the peak of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the decade since, finding a partner has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless exercise in humiliation that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity crisis, and a concerted assault on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex terrain than their Gen Y elders could ever imagine. And so their dating lexicon has grown longer and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “vine swinging” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the phrases Zoomers is using to navigate love, sex and the pursuit of both. To echo one of the recent most popular online sayings, by the conclusion of this guide you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Realness – For Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, raw self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you bring up something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and note whether your partner’s response is engaged or dismissive. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having baby bangs, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel burdened by life. You can lose it over a crush or breakup, venting all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who forgo having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The opposite of playing it cool: embracing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral quirks signaling a potential partner is not right. For instance calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits validate your decision to date a partner. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless quirks. For instance being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their wallet, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you meet someone who’s just as enthusiastic about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who hates the same things or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is beloved by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully postponing climax so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately extinguish any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else get an incredibly thoughtful act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

K

Locking lips – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer intimate scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {