🔗 Share this article Navigating my Yearning for Spontaneous Intimacy While Pursuing a Meaningful Relationship As a gay man in my late 40s, my life has involved numerous, mostly enjoyable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I was in a committed partnership that lasted four years, however I never felt completely content, because I didn't experience love or intimately fulfilled. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for uncommitted intimacy. Every time I begin seeing any man, when the initial excitement fades, an impulse arises to have sex with other men again. Questioning the Feasibility of Monogamy I am now wondering if I’ll ever be able to maintain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that many gay men have open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear demanding, frequently causing significant pain and jealousy for everyone involved. To a large extent, I want another man to care for me while letting me pursue other intimacies, however I fear the emotional drain this would cause. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship is not possible? I feel somewhat confused. Every person’s sexual journey varies. Try not to think of your relationship needs or your ability to handle various forms of sexual unions as fixed. What you need as you are experiencing them now could easily shift down the road; eventually you may find yourself less ambivalent and discover some clarity and a comfortable path … or perhaps not. One day you could encounter someone offering a transformative opportunity for you through mirroring your desires completely … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about the future and playing the “What if?” game is simply anxiety-based and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present with your partners, and see the value of every individual you connect with intimately an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to strengthen genuine closeness with a single person, it will be clear. Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a American therapy professional who specialises in addressing sexual disorders.